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How appropriate [Nov. 27th, 2005|08:13 am]
One Day at a Time
November 27, 2005


:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:

There will come a time when you believe everything is
That will be the beginning.

Louis L'Amour

:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:. .:~*~:
During my life I've always found it hard to start
anything. I don't know whether it comes from
being a compulsive overeater, but I do know
that I took my time in starting a recovery
program. Maybe it was a fear that, if I didn't
succeed, I could never start over.

Luckily, this is a very forgiving program. If I slip,
I can get up and start over. I don't have to stay
down. In fact, I can be down, but I can never be
counted out, because all I need to do is begin
again. My Higher Power helps me stay on track,
and it comforts me to know that, if I fall, I can be
picked up and allowed to continue my journey
to recovery.

I will remain "higher powered" and start over if I
need to.

On Friday I had a binge. I ate my normal dinner at my eldest's birthday party and after everyone left I was just going to have one little piece of cake and a little crust of pizza. It tunred into 2 pieces of cake and 3 BIG slices of pizza and a glass of milk. THAT is a binge for me. I didn't freak out or beat myself up. But it was sort of a bummer knowing that all these months of playing on that slippery slope have brought me to a binge. DUH! Isn't that what they all say, but I had to find out for myself.

Yesterday I went to an American Thanksgiving. I had a big plate of food. More than enough, but I went back for "just a little more". It stayed that little more, but it was unnecessary. When dessert rolled around...I swore earlier in the day I wouldn't eat any as I'd eaten 2 pieces of cake (that I swore would only be one)...anyway, I ate a half piece of pie and a full piece of this delightful croissant bread pudding. I packed up a piece to take home and ate that sitting on the toilet before I'd had a chance to do anything else once I got home. FUCK! And YAY. I guess. Blarg.

So God is giving me an opportunity to change my plan of eating. It is VERY apparent to me that I have no control when I take that one compulsive bite. It is also clear to me that the sugar I've been consuming is biting me in the ass. Many in OA eat no desserts, and sadly, I'm going to need to be one of those. At least for today. I asked god in bed, "I'll do anything, just tell me, I want to be abstinent!"
(I woke up with a sugar headache two days in a row and I'd like to avoid those not to mention weight gain and the sloth that has returned slowly to my life as well...the sloth is just...well, it's not as bad. Things are still really good, but it is really starting to slide uncontrollably and I'd rather not find myself at the bottom of shit filled compulsive overeating hell!)
Anyway, it was very clear: Give up sweets and desserts, give up sugar in your coffee, give up fast food (though subway would be acceptable if necessary) and give up eating after dinner. IF I'm physically hungry after dinner, FRUIT or VEGGIES would be the only appropriate choice.

So there I go. My food plan is laid out. Eat the meals the way I have been, but I'm letting go of desserts and fast food and eating after dinner.

I am a compulsive overeater and my life is unmanageable. I believe the only way to do this is to depend on a power greater than myself for guidance. I've recieved that guidance. I will rely on that higher power to let me know what is appropriate to eat, to give me the strength and the ability to do my HP's will for me. Just for today.

Just today

In other news, we may be getting a cat!!!!!!